Happy bloody New Years

I'm standing at work, helping the insane amount of people who are going to sit at home and watch movies, bowl of popcorn in their lap and sweetheart at their side, just trembling with excitment, because for the first year, I was going to go out to a party and be with my friends on New Years.
My friend shows up and asks me if I'm ready to go, but I tell him,
"I don't know, I still have to let mum know that I won't be home 'til tomorrow afternoon."
Just at this moment in time, she pulls up in our tacky looking red mini van.
He steps outside to talk to her. He's gone for 5 minutes. 10 minutes.
I've gone back to till because more people have shown up.
Paul wanders back into the store, looking like he's trying to make up his mind about something.
"Well, what'd she say, am I good to go?"
"Negative.", and he walks out of the store.
Now, I'm standing at work, still trembling from anger towards my mother. How could she? She must've known I wouldn't be home until the next day!
With my anger hitting its peak as I practically throw people their rentals, I leave to go home.
I get into the sad excuse of a vehicle and ask my mum what exactly she'd SAID to Paul. And she tells me.
"I told him that it was fine as long as you were home by noon tomorrow, so you still have time to do your hair before work. He stood here and nodded at me, went over to Veronika (his girlfriend) and went back into the store."
Naturally after this I have to text him and ask him what the HELL he was going on about. He informs me that I hadn't made up my mind (because I'd said I don't know) and so he had told me no.
Well, with this I'm mad all over again, but now I have a new target. I remind him that I had to talk to mum first, but she'd said yes.
"Too far behind us now, sorry."

Needless to say, this is a great bloody way to bring in the new year.
My resolution? I resolve to get blood on my hands... Paul's blood.

Eep

Kay, so happy christmas! [belated, though it is.]
I MUST brag about my new items =]
Guitar Hero 5 for 360, The Batman Vault [book, alarm clock, penguin pjs and a really pretty neckace from my grandma. My best friend got me a bottle of Bailey's =3 I adore it...I mean him..maybe.

I would have been happy with a handshake, but I'm not going to complain that my family and friends wanted to be kind to me.
I tend to feel bad when people get me things, but I LOVE giving gifts. It's fun to watch their faces when they open something given.
ahhh, warm fuzzies.

Only 15 days til I go to university and I'm teriffied. My friend Claire is having her baby in 11 days and the New Year's in 3. Oh MY.

That's about all I've got for this Monday morning after work.
Have a great holiday and hopefully I'll keep up with the blogging.

xxx

WOOO

So, I'm FINALLY going to university! My first class is on January 12th. I'm on a waiting list to get into two classes and I have a seat in one. I'm on a list for human services [studying how people interact] and english. I'm in Psycology. There is lots of happiness being exuded by myself right about now.
The music class I wanted isn't offered in the winter, so I have to wait for that one to come back, but I don't mind, as long as I get it.

I got a hair cut.

I've started re-reading the Harry Potter series [for the 9th time each...i wish i was exaggerating] and I'm reading The Tommyknockers by Stephen King.

2 days til christmas! Super excited, I love the holiday season... and the fact that my friend gave me my favourite drink for a gift and i've already indulged in it, maybe too much. =]

Pretty sure that's all that's new. Side note, I've also updated my review blog finally. I've decided that my new years resolution is to actually follow through with my promises on here and to try making more youtube videos. Sounds easy enough, right? I wish.

So, because I'm in a great [and slightly drunk] mood, I shall ask a merry question: What's one thing you REALLY want this christmas [or whatever you celebrate] and why do you want it?

Have a happy christmas to everyone!

xxx

ATTN: new blog

Kay; so I've been planning this for a while and with the release of CoD 4.2 and the youtube channel, LikeTotallyAwesome, I had to start my second blog page.
It's a review blog where I go over movies, music and games. I post every monday, wednesday, and friday [hopefully].
If you already read this and you're interested, I think you should go check it out ;)
I'm probably going to post a blog here on weekends.
I adore comments//followers so feel free.

Well, I have to get started on my music blog, but I'll most likely post something here after Criminal Minds tonight, just because I have that little of a life.
<3
Thanks for reading; love you all.
S.*

ATTN: Jerk?

Okay, so I haven't blogged in a while and I know the negative 6 people who read this are furious. I don't actually have a lot to say, I just have this urge to type and complain and rant to no one. I was complaining to my wonderful, beautiful Kyle, feeling bad the whole time, but he left. I'm sure I could have gone on to him for at least another hour. I don't think that's a good thing.

Is it sad that I'm supremely jealous of all the people who get followers and friends on things like this? I like being followed. I like subscribers and comments. It makes me feel like I'm not the unnoticed little person from high school who got stepped on by everyone. Lee, for example is just.. He's got these amazing blogs that he styles and edits and uses good sentence structure. He has followers falling out of his ears, because he's beautiful, on DailyBooth. 17 comments on one picture, on a bad day. I get 4 on a good day. I find myself comparing myself to other people and feeling envious of them for the saddest things. I want to feel noticed, I suppose.

Lost in a sea of faces.

I took an Enlgish Comprehension test to get into a Dental Office Receptionist Certificate Program in University and I needed 48% to get in and I only got 45%. This is disgusting to me, because other than band and choir, English was the only thing I got A's in all the time. Now I have to take an English refresher course, pay $15 bucks, take the CPT again and pray that I'm not just seriously stupid. It was SUCH an easy test too. Circle the one mistake in the sentence [x20]. Write an essay on why University may seem stressful. [I put in 50 extra words, the lady said the cap would be an extra 100.] We were given 3 hours to complete, and just to be sure, I took 2 1/2 hours, 45 minutes to check over everything, and I still FAILED. I'm furious at myself because I couldn't pass this test.

My Mum: Diabetic for +30 years, suffered multiple heart attacks, has a stent in her heart, has four wounds on one foot for more than five months, all of them infected and threatened with amputation, smoked for +40 years [now smoke free a month and a half]
My Dad: Diabetic for +30 years, had quadrupal by-pass surgery, had surgery on both knees [still hasn't healed] 3 years ago, had surgery on both shoulders [still hasn't healed] 2 years ago, smoked +30 years, drank heavily +10 years [smoke free 15 years, drink free 18 years].
My parents: High blood pressure, general health issues, high stress levels at home, overt anger, chronic back problems. They both have to inject themselves with insulin 3 times a day using either a pen [it's just a plastic holder for the insulin that you place a needle on the end of] and a syringe.

For some reason, I still have the nerve to be mad at them because I do dishes, laundry, cleaning, shopping and push my mum around in wheelchairs.

I don't understand why I'm mad at them all the time. I have no right to be, as they have to go through much more than I do on a regular basis, but I just can't take this house anymore. I'm tired of people yelling at me and having to deal with all of these things. I feel ill at the sight of needles and yet my parents use them every day. I dress my mum's wounds, and I clean them and I feel sick with that as well. I don't do well with blood, wounds and cuts at all and she has giant holes on her foot.

I'm trapped. I pay rent, $240 a month to live at home. If I didn't pay rent to live here, I could probably manage to save up enough to take my university courses and move out, make more money and take my main goal course and be happy. Maybe travel. Go out on a Saturday night for once.

I went out with my friends on Wednesday night and we all drank. I came home and was told I'm a disgrace to the family because I drink. I haven't seen my friends since. Come to think of it I haven't even talked to them since that night.

I've never really been my age. I've always been very mature for my age, and my mum actually told me one day that she normally forgets that I'm 19. I was 5 years old and getting on better with adults than with my classmates. I was called the teachers pet until grade ten, because I could have conversations with teachers and parents and feel comfortable. I only act my age once in a blue moon, but when I do I'm told terrible things about myself. I just wish I could get out of here.

'I have a dream...'

I want to be a singer. I'm not very good at singing, but I still want to be one; that's all I've wanted since I was 3. My secondary dream is a writer. I love writing stories about random people I come up with, and they have these sad stories, and some of them make it out better off, others...not so much. Third dream? Special effects make up artist/set designer. n_n I also wouldn't mind being a music therapist. Out there, I know.

I'm going to see Marianas Trench on November 9th. I'm super excited about it. I've recently re-ignited my adoration for The Academy Is... ; William Beckett is a sexy beast [and only 5 years older than me]. He will be mine [yeah right]. <3

I think I might start a second blog, one that I update once a week with music, movie, book and game reviews. Not always new things, but just things that interest me. I'll take requests to read/watch/listen/play things and than give my opinion. I could also do video things for that on youtube, but I don't think so. I'm not very good at making videos as it is. We'll see.

If I EVER get comments on here, someone tell me what you think of my idea! Maybe I'll finally act on it.

As I've said in the past, my blogs are not just for myself; they're for anyone who's like me and feels alone. I read stuff like this and feel better because I know that I'm not the only one who feels these ways.

I adore anyone who reads these. Please, comment/follow/check out my other pages. ;)

Much love. <3
S*

ATTN: Drowning

I don't know if I'll make it out of this house alive.
I [hopefully] start at UFV in a month for a four month program.
I get a better job, get my 'N' [probably] and move out.
Start saving up to help pay for it, but probably get ANOTHER student loan/grant and take my theatre program and a philosophy/writing/german course.
I'll finally be happy.I'll finally get my life straight sort of.

I really don't think I'll get there, but a girl can dream.
Dreams are all I have left.
Dreams and my friends.
Kay, dreams, friends, music and video games.
.
.
.

-_-

I need an uplifting message, anyone!
I need out of this house.
I need a better life.
Now.
So long, and thanks for the fish. <3
By the way; Suffering from what my doctor calls depression, stress and general badness. He's my favourite for the day. [Getting anti-depressants soon] woooo.

ATTN: sorry?

So, I have been completely neglecting my computer for the past week and a half. Don't take it personally, I've been off reading, working and staying with other family.

In other news, I have an appointment on Monday with a career councillor at the local university and I'm super nervous about it because that'll mean taking that huge step forward to actually doing something with my life other than renting videos out to people and having them dump their shit on me for minimum wage. =]

I went and stayed with my aunt for a couple days and it was really nice. Just getting away from this house and my parents and stuff. All four of her kids made a point to come over while I was there just to see me. I saw my cousin Steve's wife on her birthday and I saw my cousin Jenny's boyfriend a few times, and she even ditched him to just sit and watch a movie with me. My aunt and Jenny both took me driving, I got to help make super healthy dinners and I didn't even play my DS the whole 3 days I was there. I was so proud of myself. Plus, Jenny gave me a pair of sunglasses that I can't even wear now [explaination below].

I got new organizer things for my desk area finally in preperation for university and it's really nice. There's a thing for my pens and pencils, there's something for my markers, scissors and stuff, a thing for memo's and lastly a holder for all of my papers. It's all a really nice shade of pink [it goes great with the bright blue of my walls], which surprised me completely.

Second to last on my update list. Right before I went away, I got a new cell phone. [HURRAH!]. It's a texting phone, so it's one that slides and has a full keyboard built in. It's fancy. I love it so much but my dad keeps wanting to mess with it and stuff and now he's done something to it and part of it is locked off from access to me. I'm infuriated about it for obvious reasons.

Lastly, I have a nice shiny new bruise on my right eye. It's gone green in spots and looks super creepy. Because of it going a little onto my nose I can't wear my glasses for driving OR for reading OOORRR sunglasses [like the ones Jenny gave me]. The person who gave it to me's a complete tosser and it was completely uncalled for. Yet, here we are.

Oh oh oh. Almost forgot. Fully going to see Harry potter and the Half Blood prince tomorrow..for the third time! Hells yeah I'm excited! I'm going with my friend Claire and her mum. It's gonna be wicked cool.

Okay, I'm PRETTY sure that's all. If I get bored later with nothing to blog about, I'll probably edit this.
Thanks for reading, and again, sorry for the slow update. Don't be afraid to follow my blog if you want, I don't bite..Wait, yes I do, but not hard. Oh, yes I do..Hm. Well follow it and I MIGHT not bite you too hard. ;)
xxxxx


SIDE NOTE:
new video on youtube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4txBcI0ctZQ love it for me? <3

ATTN: Possible University and Ramble

"You are the one, the one who lies close to me...There's no place else I'd rather be but here in your arms." [Here in Your Arms, Hellogoodbye]I'm listening to that song for the first time in ages and it made me remember how much I love it.

Anyways, random note.

I wanted to ramble.

I have red hair [-ish]

I have ink all over my hands from a broken pen [nothing more sad]

I also have an apointment with a career councillor at UFV and I'm scared stiff at the thought. =]You see, going for the apointment means taking a big step towards going to university...a year later than everyone from my grad class.
I've been the new kid once..when I was 5...and going to kindergarten, just like everyone else.I don't do well in a new social situation, especially when I don't know anyone.
I have no clue what I want to take.
I'm not overly good at anything, I just really like music and theatre stuff.
There's apparently a "General Studies" course I can take that would cover a bunch of different topics and I get to pick from one of the things that appeal to me.

"And does he notice my feelings for him. And will he see how much he means to me. I think it's not to be." [Sally's song, Nightmare Before Christmas..it just came on.]

I feel so overwhelmed and overly confused by all of it.
Paul shouldn't have left, even if he was feeling ill. When he was here I didn't feel as freaked. He walked out the door and his spot made room for my worry, and the open door invited the thoughts in.

I want to go back to high school; I feel like I belong there still. Kind of like I'm on an extended summer holiday from last year. I'll be going back to be taught by Mr. Duliba and Mrs. Mangat any day now.

Is that normal?

Anyways, I think I might just go and read, that sometimes helps.

G'night to anyone out there. <3

ATTN: Terrified.

Okay, so 3 days until my wisdom teeth come out. I'm only freaking out a little...That's a lie. I'm SO scared. Maybe my teeth like staying in my face..Did you ever think of that, Dentist? I have to take valium because I hyperventalate at the sight of needles, and I refuse to be put under because the thought of that petrifies me as well. My friends keep giving me horror stories and I really don't want to know. I mean, I know no one can look at me and say that it won't hurt and so on, but honestly, you telling me that it's going to hurt as much as if I'm giving birth isn't making this any easier.

.

.

.

I've been doing laundry all day, yet again, because I don't want my clothes smelling like a weekend of partying. I feel like a bum, I'm walking around in my 'crappy clothes' because everything I normally is in the drier.

Listening to Marianas Trench and playing my DS while I'm waiting for the washing machine to finish. I'm wicked awesome.

-

-

-

So, it's official, my foot is infected. I took my shoe off after my shift last night and my sock had blood on it, even though I had a band aid on the wound. The cut won't heal properly, so it's covered in bandages and gause today. I've been soaking it, cleaning it. So on, so forth.

~

~

~

Next week is going to be Hell, just because my mouth will hurt, my foot will most likely still hurt and because my jaw will be sore, I probably won't be able to sing, just when I start getting better. Maybe my friends will come visit me in my darkest days. =]

*

*

*

Well this was fun, expect lots while I'm just sitting here crying. This, and facebook quiz completion notifications.

If anyone has tips for a quick recovery and time wasting ideas, let me know. =^_^=

ATTN: happy birthday, whatsherface

My birthday was June 29th and I spent the 26th until then with my friends. It was a weekend to get away, party and let go.

That happened; I got so drunk I blacked out twice [Also, I can't remember a thing from 2 days], I was drunk for 4 days straight, I got to see my friend Kelsey, I went to the big city and on the skytrain, both for the first time, went to a mall with 4 floors, and I saw Transformers 2. Hurray, basically. I paid for everything myself. Okay, that's good. I can support myself. My friends texted me "Happy Birthday" on the 29th. Awe <3.

I have gotten one card, with my only gift of $20 from my grandma. I KNOW! I sound like a TOTAL bitch, but honestly, isn't 19 a bit of a deal? No one sang happy birthday except my parents. I mean, I'm not normally the one to ask for anything at all, but really? $20 and a card.

God, I feel like a terrible person, and know what? Maybe I am. I'm selfish and self absorbed, and as I already told anyone who reads these, I'm vain.

Ouch.

Anyways, I've been attacked by bug bites and I have no anti-itch cream so I'm dying. I have a gash out of my foot in two places, and a cut across my toe and I have no clue how I got them as I was drunk beyond belief at the time. I got a sun burn on my face\\Top of my head.

This blog's all about me complaining that I have a job so I can afford to hate myself, and how my friends are jerks for texting me happy birthday...Wow.

I think I just ended this without trying.

Love\\Hate you all <3

ATTN: Freaking out

So; departing in one day and some hours and im NOOOTTTT ready! I'm freaking out now and I'm running in circles. I wish i could just stay here, listen to music and FIND everyhting I'll need, do all the laundry I have to and relax, but, not that i mind, i work tonight <3 which could help..you know, get me to relax about it, but tomorrow and friday morning are going to be gong shows.
As if it's not enough, i keep thinking about other stuff and i have no reason to. Stupid past coming and biting me in the butt.dsklvnslkgnsfdlgm df
Kay.I had to freak out; now i go get ready for work, hopefully find some stuff to make tomorrow smoother.
BTWHurray for spending most of today with Claire <3
The Proposal was ADORABLE =D mmmm Ryan Reynolds topless ...and bottomless ;) hahaha! jokes, jokes...ish o.
0KAY
Going.

ATTN: Tragedy?

This isn't happening; I CAN NOT be getting sick 2 days before my camping trip and birthday party weekend! I can not be ill the day I turn 19. Granted, I won't notice, considering I'll be drunk for 5 days straight, but when I'm sober I'll have a cold AND a hangover to deal with? Oh joy.
Second thing on my mind right now. WRITERS BLOCK...semi cleared off. I wrote a verse and half a chorus for MY song, two lines for my friends song that he wanted me to help him with and no headway on my story one bit.
Third; my mp3 players being a fucktard. *insert angry face here* That's all I have to say about that, actually.
Fourth; going to go watch Party Monster, drink loads of tea and sleep [hopefully] and try to feel 100% in two days. WAIT. one and a half. -_-
Wish me luck <3

ATTN: Desperation and Confusication

ONE! I need sleep like you won't believe. I have insomnia, so I'm used to not getting rest and so on. I'll go a week and a half with no sleep, than I'll get 2 or 3 weeks with 3-6 hours a night. I went 7 days with no sleep, I slept one night and last night, no sleep. I don't know what happened to my regular timing, but the one night made me realize what I'm missing out on, so now I'm more desperate than ever to get to sleep tonight, and I have to be up in 5 hours. x_x
TWO! I, for the first time in almost a year, got to spend time with my first real best friend, Matt. He and I were best friends for two years, than we were just REALLY close for 3, going on 4 years after. Tonight, he came over and we went for Steamed milk, [I had soy milk, yum] and than wandered a little, and I helped him shop. It felt like we were back in grade 9 when we were the best friends. Except, other emotions hitched a ride with the close friendship. See, he's also the first boy I ever fell in love with. I never STOPPED loving him, but I could only hope. He's sitting across from me, telling me about his first girl friend and I keep wanting to take his hand or something. In the store, he called me by his ex's name. Guh.
..I'm hoping that rambling on about this now will help get rid of the thoughts for a bit so I can sleep. =]
Kay, so we're down to 3 days before the road trip, which means that it's 6 days until my birthday AND 12 days until I have to get my wisdom teeth out T_T
Right, well I've run out of things to chat about, so I'm going to see if I can get some sleep.
Night, interwebs and keep in touch <3 [no special editing tonight, just bare, raw emotions...ish]

ATTN: new?

Kay, so I'm fully new to this site, but I adore blogging. Putting my ideas into the wind and letting them fly, so to speak.

The tip of my right index finger is itchy.

I have writers block, and I complain about it in my new youtube video, where I ramble about the same things I normally blog about. I think I might like this kind of stuff a bit too much. Honestly, I really don't care. =]

So, hullo, I'm Sarah. As of right now, I'm 18 years young, I'm a mega nerd, I have black/blue hair, I'm 4'10" and I have grey eyes. My birthday is in 7 days, I'm going camping for 5 days IN 4 days and I'm super excited. I drink too much, I have been since I was 13. I'm a vegetarian and I have a cat named Frank, and he is homicidal. I have three of the bestest friends ever named Paul, Kelsey, and Jesse. I bring them up now because I'll most likely end up chatting about them quite a bit. I am a shopaholic, movie-aholic, and I have OCD with slight ADHD tendancies. I'm vain, but at the same time I think I'm uber ugly. "Walking Contradiction"

Mmmm, Greenday

"Music is my hot hot sex" basically. I listen to anything. I have a general favourite band, Tokio Hotel, but otherwise, I have no favourite anything. ACTUALLY. Favourite song RIGHT NOW? "Nothing To Lose - Billy Talent" mmm. I'm listening to it right now.

Hum hum hum, I'm obsessed with social networking sites. [FollowmeonTwitter/Dailybooth : SarahSomeone =D ] Plus, I have a youtube and here's a link to my newest video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAde54l3OJk

So basically, this blog will consist of my rambling, links to pictures/videos, songs/stories i write or help write. I'm a very uneventful person, so even the smallest things will seem like Canada Day fireworks. [you think that's bad, you should see me when i GO to the fire works] thanks for reading this, and if you DO go and follow/subscribe, I will do the same back. =] again, thanks for your time.