ATTN: Drowning

I don't know if I'll make it out of this house alive.
I [hopefully] start at UFV in a month for a four month program.
I get a better job, get my 'N' [probably] and move out.
Start saving up to help pay for it, but probably get ANOTHER student loan/grant and take my theatre program and a philosophy/writing/german course.
I'll finally be happy.I'll finally get my life straight sort of.

I really don't think I'll get there, but a girl can dream.
Dreams are all I have left.
Dreams and my friends.
Kay, dreams, friends, music and video games.
.
.
.

-_-

I need an uplifting message, anyone!
I need out of this house.
I need a better life.
Now.
So long, and thanks for the fish. <3
By the way; Suffering from what my doctor calls depression, stress and general badness. He's my favourite for the day. [Getting anti-depressants soon] woooo.

ATTN: Possible University and Ramble

"You are the one, the one who lies close to me...There's no place else I'd rather be but here in your arms." [Here in Your Arms, Hellogoodbye]I'm listening to that song for the first time in ages and it made me remember how much I love it.

Anyways, random note.

I wanted to ramble.

I have red hair [-ish]

I have ink all over my hands from a broken pen [nothing more sad]

I also have an apointment with a career councillor at UFV and I'm scared stiff at the thought. =]You see, going for the apointment means taking a big step towards going to university...a year later than everyone from my grad class.
I've been the new kid once..when I was 5...and going to kindergarten, just like everyone else.I don't do well in a new social situation, especially when I don't know anyone.
I have no clue what I want to take.
I'm not overly good at anything, I just really like music and theatre stuff.
There's apparently a "General Studies" course I can take that would cover a bunch of different topics and I get to pick from one of the things that appeal to me.

"And does he notice my feelings for him. And will he see how much he means to me. I think it's not to be." [Sally's song, Nightmare Before Christmas..it just came on.]

I feel so overwhelmed and overly confused by all of it.
Paul shouldn't have left, even if he was feeling ill. When he was here I didn't feel as freaked. He walked out the door and his spot made room for my worry, and the open door invited the thoughts in.

I want to go back to high school; I feel like I belong there still. Kind of like I'm on an extended summer holiday from last year. I'll be going back to be taught by Mr. Duliba and Mrs. Mangat any day now.

Is that normal?

Anyways, I think I might just go and read, that sometimes helps.

G'night to anyone out there. <3

ATTN: Terrified.

Okay, so 3 days until my wisdom teeth come out. I'm only freaking out a little...That's a lie. I'm SO scared. Maybe my teeth like staying in my face..Did you ever think of that, Dentist? I have to take valium because I hyperventalate at the sight of needles, and I refuse to be put under because the thought of that petrifies me as well. My friends keep giving me horror stories and I really don't want to know. I mean, I know no one can look at me and say that it won't hurt and so on, but honestly, you telling me that it's going to hurt as much as if I'm giving birth isn't making this any easier.

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I've been doing laundry all day, yet again, because I don't want my clothes smelling like a weekend of partying. I feel like a bum, I'm walking around in my 'crappy clothes' because everything I normally is in the drier.

Listening to Marianas Trench and playing my DS while I'm waiting for the washing machine to finish. I'm wicked awesome.

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So, it's official, my foot is infected. I took my shoe off after my shift last night and my sock had blood on it, even though I had a band aid on the wound. The cut won't heal properly, so it's covered in bandages and gause today. I've been soaking it, cleaning it. So on, so forth.

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Next week is going to be Hell, just because my mouth will hurt, my foot will most likely still hurt and because my jaw will be sore, I probably won't be able to sing, just when I start getting better. Maybe my friends will come visit me in my darkest days. =]

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Well this was fun, expect lots while I'm just sitting here crying. This, and facebook quiz completion notifications.

If anyone has tips for a quick recovery and time wasting ideas, let me know. =^_^=