Bother

Hallo all! It HAS been awhile, has it not? I've been a little overwhelmed with uni, work, writer's club, writing the the newspaper, and a new leadership position with some friends... And of course, drinking until I black out once a week (the most important part, naturally.)
I suppose I'm posting just to waste time before I have to study for my psych 102 midterm in two (maybe 3) weeks. Really not excited in the least.
Well, I guess I could inform the interwebs of current goings on around me. There's really not much to report, if I'm going to be deathly honest.
I have blue and black hair, I got 63% on my first of two midterms, work sucks in general due to staffing and other random changes. I've been trying to watch more movies recently, so I can actually have an opinion for customers when they ask the inevitable question:
"What's a good movie?"
As if there could ever be a more vague and aggrivating question, but, as it is, they expect an answer. True be told, I watched Remember Me with Robert Pattinson (Twilight Saga, How To Be, Harry Potter 4), and absolutely loved it. It's definately a snooze or adore, but it was worth watching in my mind. I also watched She's Out Of My League with Jay Baruchel (Tropic Thunder, The Socerer's Apprentice, Knocked Up) and thought it was SO funny, and worth a watch as well.
Playlists recently have been filled with Marianas Trench (of course), the Alice in Wonderland soundtrack, a bunch of Down With Webster, and S Club 7's last cd. I know, I'm freaking awesome. I have also reignited my love of the Beatles and Across the Universe (soundtrack and movie).
Good books that I've read lately: Good Omens by Terry Prachett and Neil Gaiman. Stardust by Neil Gaiman was also a great read. These are older books, but I happen to be a fan of the vintage novels. Pretty soon I'm going to crack into Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, but I want to read the rest of the 'Hitchhikers' series by Douglas Adams.

Random note; I wrote an opinion piece for the school's paper, and it was about why Batman is awesome, and one of the staff writers decided to battle me with ink and push out a rebutle on why he's a waste of a comic book character. It was actually really fun. Perhaps, when the paper's printed, I'll post both of them on here so other people can enjoy it.
I've written a modern, shorter version of Shakespeare's Macbeth for my writer's club as well. It was fun to write, and I had one of my professor's read over it and make a few changes. I'm pretty sure I want to post that here, too, to get other's opinions before I have it ripped apart by my peers.

Drink of the month for me has been a 'girly drink', apparently. Bacardi Breezer's Pina Colada. It may be a cooler, but it tastes amazing, and gets me primed for harder drinks, such as straight shots of Raspberry vodka (3 in fact, in a matter of seconds. Much fun was to be had at that party.)

I'm going to post something else not long from now, because I DO want to be completely honest with myself, and show the world that I'm not afraid to show it. I know no one really reads this, but it'll make me feel better, so if you DO follow my blogs, keep an eye out, I'll be posting again within the next few hours (after a study session... at 11 o'clock at night.)
Thanks for reading. Much love. <3

ATTN: Jerk?

Okay, so I haven't blogged in a while and I know the negative 6 people who read this are furious. I don't actually have a lot to say, I just have this urge to type and complain and rant to no one. I was complaining to my wonderful, beautiful Kyle, feeling bad the whole time, but he left. I'm sure I could have gone on to him for at least another hour. I don't think that's a good thing.

Is it sad that I'm supremely jealous of all the people who get followers and friends on things like this? I like being followed. I like subscribers and comments. It makes me feel like I'm not the unnoticed little person from high school who got stepped on by everyone. Lee, for example is just.. He's got these amazing blogs that he styles and edits and uses good sentence structure. He has followers falling out of his ears, because he's beautiful, on DailyBooth. 17 comments on one picture, on a bad day. I get 4 on a good day. I find myself comparing myself to other people and feeling envious of them for the saddest things. I want to feel noticed, I suppose.

Lost in a sea of faces.

I took an Enlgish Comprehension test to get into a Dental Office Receptionist Certificate Program in University and I needed 48% to get in and I only got 45%. This is disgusting to me, because other than band and choir, English was the only thing I got A's in all the time. Now I have to take an English refresher course, pay $15 bucks, take the CPT again and pray that I'm not just seriously stupid. It was SUCH an easy test too. Circle the one mistake in the sentence [x20]. Write an essay on why University may seem stressful. [I put in 50 extra words, the lady said the cap would be an extra 100.] We were given 3 hours to complete, and just to be sure, I took 2 1/2 hours, 45 minutes to check over everything, and I still FAILED. I'm furious at myself because I couldn't pass this test.

My Mum: Diabetic for +30 years, suffered multiple heart attacks, has a stent in her heart, has four wounds on one foot for more than five months, all of them infected and threatened with amputation, smoked for +40 years [now smoke free a month and a half]
My Dad: Diabetic for +30 years, had quadrupal by-pass surgery, had surgery on both knees [still hasn't healed] 3 years ago, had surgery on both shoulders [still hasn't healed] 2 years ago, smoked +30 years, drank heavily +10 years [smoke free 15 years, drink free 18 years].
My parents: High blood pressure, general health issues, high stress levels at home, overt anger, chronic back problems. They both have to inject themselves with insulin 3 times a day using either a pen [it's just a plastic holder for the insulin that you place a needle on the end of] and a syringe.

For some reason, I still have the nerve to be mad at them because I do dishes, laundry, cleaning, shopping and push my mum around in wheelchairs.

I don't understand why I'm mad at them all the time. I have no right to be, as they have to go through much more than I do on a regular basis, but I just can't take this house anymore. I'm tired of people yelling at me and having to deal with all of these things. I feel ill at the sight of needles and yet my parents use them every day. I dress my mum's wounds, and I clean them and I feel sick with that as well. I don't do well with blood, wounds and cuts at all and she has giant holes on her foot.

I'm trapped. I pay rent, $240 a month to live at home. If I didn't pay rent to live here, I could probably manage to save up enough to take my university courses and move out, make more money and take my main goal course and be happy. Maybe travel. Go out on a Saturday night for once.

I went out with my friends on Wednesday night and we all drank. I came home and was told I'm a disgrace to the family because I drink. I haven't seen my friends since. Come to think of it I haven't even talked to them since that night.

I've never really been my age. I've always been very mature for my age, and my mum actually told me one day that she normally forgets that I'm 19. I was 5 years old and getting on better with adults than with my classmates. I was called the teachers pet until grade ten, because I could have conversations with teachers and parents and feel comfortable. I only act my age once in a blue moon, but when I do I'm told terrible things about myself. I just wish I could get out of here.

'I have a dream...'

I want to be a singer. I'm not very good at singing, but I still want to be one; that's all I've wanted since I was 3. My secondary dream is a writer. I love writing stories about random people I come up with, and they have these sad stories, and some of them make it out better off, others...not so much. Third dream? Special effects make up artist/set designer. n_n I also wouldn't mind being a music therapist. Out there, I know.

I'm going to see Marianas Trench on November 9th. I'm super excited about it. I've recently re-ignited my adoration for The Academy Is... ; William Beckett is a sexy beast [and only 5 years older than me]. He will be mine [yeah right]. <3

I think I might start a second blog, one that I update once a week with music, movie, book and game reviews. Not always new things, but just things that interest me. I'll take requests to read/watch/listen/play things and than give my opinion. I could also do video things for that on youtube, but I don't think so. I'm not very good at making videos as it is. We'll see.

If I EVER get comments on here, someone tell me what you think of my idea! Maybe I'll finally act on it.

As I've said in the past, my blogs are not just for myself; they're for anyone who's like me and feels alone. I read stuff like this and feel better because I know that I'm not the only one who feels these ways.

I adore anyone who reads these. Please, comment/follow/check out my other pages. ;)

Much love. <3
S*

ATTN: Drowning

I don't know if I'll make it out of this house alive.
I [hopefully] start at UFV in a month for a four month program.
I get a better job, get my 'N' [probably] and move out.
Start saving up to help pay for it, but probably get ANOTHER student loan/grant and take my theatre program and a philosophy/writing/german course.
I'll finally be happy.I'll finally get my life straight sort of.

I really don't think I'll get there, but a girl can dream.
Dreams are all I have left.
Dreams and my friends.
Kay, dreams, friends, music and video games.
.
.
.

-_-

I need an uplifting message, anyone!
I need out of this house.
I need a better life.
Now.
So long, and thanks for the fish. <3
By the way; Suffering from what my doctor calls depression, stress and general badness. He's my favourite for the day. [Getting anti-depressants soon] woooo.