WOOO

So, I'm FINALLY going to university! My first class is on January 12th. I'm on a waiting list to get into two classes and I have a seat in one. I'm on a list for human services [studying how people interact] and english. I'm in Psycology. There is lots of happiness being exuded by myself right about now.
The music class I wanted isn't offered in the winter, so I have to wait for that one to come back, but I don't mind, as long as I get it.

I got a hair cut.

I've started re-reading the Harry Potter series [for the 9th time each...i wish i was exaggerating] and I'm reading The Tommyknockers by Stephen King.

2 days til christmas! Super excited, I love the holiday season... and the fact that my friend gave me my favourite drink for a gift and i've already indulged in it, maybe too much. =]

Pretty sure that's all that's new. Side note, I've also updated my review blog finally. I've decided that my new years resolution is to actually follow through with my promises on here and to try making more youtube videos. Sounds easy enough, right? I wish.

So, because I'm in a great [and slightly drunk] mood, I shall ask a merry question: What's one thing you REALLY want this christmas [or whatever you celebrate] and why do you want it?

Have a happy christmas to everyone!

xxx

ATTN: new blog

Kay; so I've been planning this for a while and with the release of CoD 4.2 and the youtube channel, LikeTotallyAwesome, I had to start my second blog page.
It's a review blog where I go over movies, music and games. I post every monday, wednesday, and friday [hopefully].
If you already read this and you're interested, I think you should go check it out ;)
I'm probably going to post a blog here on weekends.
I adore comments//followers so feel free.

Well, I have to get started on my music blog, but I'll most likely post something here after Criminal Minds tonight, just because I have that little of a life.
<3
Thanks for reading; love you all.
S.*

ATTN: Jerk?

Okay, so I haven't blogged in a while and I know the negative 6 people who read this are furious. I don't actually have a lot to say, I just have this urge to type and complain and rant to no one. I was complaining to my wonderful, beautiful Kyle, feeling bad the whole time, but he left. I'm sure I could have gone on to him for at least another hour. I don't think that's a good thing.

Is it sad that I'm supremely jealous of all the people who get followers and friends on things like this? I like being followed. I like subscribers and comments. It makes me feel like I'm not the unnoticed little person from high school who got stepped on by everyone. Lee, for example is just.. He's got these amazing blogs that he styles and edits and uses good sentence structure. He has followers falling out of his ears, because he's beautiful, on DailyBooth. 17 comments on one picture, on a bad day. I get 4 on a good day. I find myself comparing myself to other people and feeling envious of them for the saddest things. I want to feel noticed, I suppose.

Lost in a sea of faces.

I took an Enlgish Comprehension test to get into a Dental Office Receptionist Certificate Program in University and I needed 48% to get in and I only got 45%. This is disgusting to me, because other than band and choir, English was the only thing I got A's in all the time. Now I have to take an English refresher course, pay $15 bucks, take the CPT again and pray that I'm not just seriously stupid. It was SUCH an easy test too. Circle the one mistake in the sentence [x20]. Write an essay on why University may seem stressful. [I put in 50 extra words, the lady said the cap would be an extra 100.] We were given 3 hours to complete, and just to be sure, I took 2 1/2 hours, 45 minutes to check over everything, and I still FAILED. I'm furious at myself because I couldn't pass this test.

My Mum: Diabetic for +30 years, suffered multiple heart attacks, has a stent in her heart, has four wounds on one foot for more than five months, all of them infected and threatened with amputation, smoked for +40 years [now smoke free a month and a half]
My Dad: Diabetic for +30 years, had quadrupal by-pass surgery, had surgery on both knees [still hasn't healed] 3 years ago, had surgery on both shoulders [still hasn't healed] 2 years ago, smoked +30 years, drank heavily +10 years [smoke free 15 years, drink free 18 years].
My parents: High blood pressure, general health issues, high stress levels at home, overt anger, chronic back problems. They both have to inject themselves with insulin 3 times a day using either a pen [it's just a plastic holder for the insulin that you place a needle on the end of] and a syringe.

For some reason, I still have the nerve to be mad at them because I do dishes, laundry, cleaning, shopping and push my mum around in wheelchairs.

I don't understand why I'm mad at them all the time. I have no right to be, as they have to go through much more than I do on a regular basis, but I just can't take this house anymore. I'm tired of people yelling at me and having to deal with all of these things. I feel ill at the sight of needles and yet my parents use them every day. I dress my mum's wounds, and I clean them and I feel sick with that as well. I don't do well with blood, wounds and cuts at all and she has giant holes on her foot.

I'm trapped. I pay rent, $240 a month to live at home. If I didn't pay rent to live here, I could probably manage to save up enough to take my university courses and move out, make more money and take my main goal course and be happy. Maybe travel. Go out on a Saturday night for once.

I went out with my friends on Wednesday night and we all drank. I came home and was told I'm a disgrace to the family because I drink. I haven't seen my friends since. Come to think of it I haven't even talked to them since that night.

I've never really been my age. I've always been very mature for my age, and my mum actually told me one day that she normally forgets that I'm 19. I was 5 years old and getting on better with adults than with my classmates. I was called the teachers pet until grade ten, because I could have conversations with teachers and parents and feel comfortable. I only act my age once in a blue moon, but when I do I'm told terrible things about myself. I just wish I could get out of here.

'I have a dream...'

I want to be a singer. I'm not very good at singing, but I still want to be one; that's all I've wanted since I was 3. My secondary dream is a writer. I love writing stories about random people I come up with, and they have these sad stories, and some of them make it out better off, others...not so much. Third dream? Special effects make up artist/set designer. n_n I also wouldn't mind being a music therapist. Out there, I know.

I'm going to see Marianas Trench on November 9th. I'm super excited about it. I've recently re-ignited my adoration for The Academy Is... ; William Beckett is a sexy beast [and only 5 years older than me]. He will be mine [yeah right]. <3

I think I might start a second blog, one that I update once a week with music, movie, book and game reviews. Not always new things, but just things that interest me. I'll take requests to read/watch/listen/play things and than give my opinion. I could also do video things for that on youtube, but I don't think so. I'm not very good at making videos as it is. We'll see.

If I EVER get comments on here, someone tell me what you think of my idea! Maybe I'll finally act on it.

As I've said in the past, my blogs are not just for myself; they're for anyone who's like me and feels alone. I read stuff like this and feel better because I know that I'm not the only one who feels these ways.

I adore anyone who reads these. Please, comment/follow/check out my other pages. ;)

Much love. <3
S*

ATTN: Drowning

I don't know if I'll make it out of this house alive.
I [hopefully] start at UFV in a month for a four month program.
I get a better job, get my 'N' [probably] and move out.
Start saving up to help pay for it, but probably get ANOTHER student loan/grant and take my theatre program and a philosophy/writing/german course.
I'll finally be happy.I'll finally get my life straight sort of.

I really don't think I'll get there, but a girl can dream.
Dreams are all I have left.
Dreams and my friends.
Kay, dreams, friends, music and video games.
.
.
.

-_-

I need an uplifting message, anyone!
I need out of this house.
I need a better life.
Now.
So long, and thanks for the fish. <3
By the way; Suffering from what my doctor calls depression, stress and general badness. He's my favourite for the day. [Getting anti-depressants soon] woooo.

ATTN: sorry?

So, I have been completely neglecting my computer for the past week and a half. Don't take it personally, I've been off reading, working and staying with other family.

In other news, I have an appointment on Monday with a career councillor at the local university and I'm super nervous about it because that'll mean taking that huge step forward to actually doing something with my life other than renting videos out to people and having them dump their shit on me for minimum wage. =]

I went and stayed with my aunt for a couple days and it was really nice. Just getting away from this house and my parents and stuff. All four of her kids made a point to come over while I was there just to see me. I saw my cousin Steve's wife on her birthday and I saw my cousin Jenny's boyfriend a few times, and she even ditched him to just sit and watch a movie with me. My aunt and Jenny both took me driving, I got to help make super healthy dinners and I didn't even play my DS the whole 3 days I was there. I was so proud of myself. Plus, Jenny gave me a pair of sunglasses that I can't even wear now [explaination below].

I got new organizer things for my desk area finally in preperation for university and it's really nice. There's a thing for my pens and pencils, there's something for my markers, scissors and stuff, a thing for memo's and lastly a holder for all of my papers. It's all a really nice shade of pink [it goes great with the bright blue of my walls], which surprised me completely.

Second to last on my update list. Right before I went away, I got a new cell phone. [HURRAH!]. It's a texting phone, so it's one that slides and has a full keyboard built in. It's fancy. I love it so much but my dad keeps wanting to mess with it and stuff and now he's done something to it and part of it is locked off from access to me. I'm infuriated about it for obvious reasons.

Lastly, I have a nice shiny new bruise on my right eye. It's gone green in spots and looks super creepy. Because of it going a little onto my nose I can't wear my glasses for driving OR for reading OOORRR sunglasses [like the ones Jenny gave me]. The person who gave it to me's a complete tosser and it was completely uncalled for. Yet, here we are.

Oh oh oh. Almost forgot. Fully going to see Harry potter and the Half Blood prince tomorrow..for the third time! Hells yeah I'm excited! I'm going with my friend Claire and her mum. It's gonna be wicked cool.

Okay, I'm PRETTY sure that's all. If I get bored later with nothing to blog about, I'll probably edit this.
Thanks for reading, and again, sorry for the slow update. Don't be afraid to follow my blog if you want, I don't bite..Wait, yes I do, but not hard. Oh, yes I do..Hm. Well follow it and I MIGHT not bite you too hard. ;)
xxxxx


SIDE NOTE:
new video on youtube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4txBcI0ctZQ love it for me? <3

ATTN: Possible University and Ramble

"You are the one, the one who lies close to me...There's no place else I'd rather be but here in your arms." [Here in Your Arms, Hellogoodbye]I'm listening to that song for the first time in ages and it made me remember how much I love it.

Anyways, random note.

I wanted to ramble.

I have red hair [-ish]

I have ink all over my hands from a broken pen [nothing more sad]

I also have an apointment with a career councillor at UFV and I'm scared stiff at the thought. =]You see, going for the apointment means taking a big step towards going to university...a year later than everyone from my grad class.
I've been the new kid once..when I was 5...and going to kindergarten, just like everyone else.I don't do well in a new social situation, especially when I don't know anyone.
I have no clue what I want to take.
I'm not overly good at anything, I just really like music and theatre stuff.
There's apparently a "General Studies" course I can take that would cover a bunch of different topics and I get to pick from one of the things that appeal to me.

"And does he notice my feelings for him. And will he see how much he means to me. I think it's not to be." [Sally's song, Nightmare Before Christmas..it just came on.]

I feel so overwhelmed and overly confused by all of it.
Paul shouldn't have left, even if he was feeling ill. When he was here I didn't feel as freaked. He walked out the door and his spot made room for my worry, and the open door invited the thoughts in.

I want to go back to high school; I feel like I belong there still. Kind of like I'm on an extended summer holiday from last year. I'll be going back to be taught by Mr. Duliba and Mrs. Mangat any day now.

Is that normal?

Anyways, I think I might just go and read, that sometimes helps.

G'night to anyone out there. <3

ATTN: Terrified.

Okay, so 3 days until my wisdom teeth come out. I'm only freaking out a little...That's a lie. I'm SO scared. Maybe my teeth like staying in my face..Did you ever think of that, Dentist? I have to take valium because I hyperventalate at the sight of needles, and I refuse to be put under because the thought of that petrifies me as well. My friends keep giving me horror stories and I really don't want to know. I mean, I know no one can look at me and say that it won't hurt and so on, but honestly, you telling me that it's going to hurt as much as if I'm giving birth isn't making this any easier.

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I've been doing laundry all day, yet again, because I don't want my clothes smelling like a weekend of partying. I feel like a bum, I'm walking around in my 'crappy clothes' because everything I normally is in the drier.

Listening to Marianas Trench and playing my DS while I'm waiting for the washing machine to finish. I'm wicked awesome.

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So, it's official, my foot is infected. I took my shoe off after my shift last night and my sock had blood on it, even though I had a band aid on the wound. The cut won't heal properly, so it's covered in bandages and gause today. I've been soaking it, cleaning it. So on, so forth.

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Next week is going to be Hell, just because my mouth will hurt, my foot will most likely still hurt and because my jaw will be sore, I probably won't be able to sing, just when I start getting better. Maybe my friends will come visit me in my darkest days. =]

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Well this was fun, expect lots while I'm just sitting here crying. This, and facebook quiz completion notifications.

If anyone has tips for a quick recovery and time wasting ideas, let me know. =^_^=