ATTN: Drowning

I don't know if I'll make it out of this house alive.
I [hopefully] start at UFV in a month for a four month program.
I get a better job, get my 'N' [probably] and move out.
Start saving up to help pay for it, but probably get ANOTHER student loan/grant and take my theatre program and a philosophy/writing/german course.
I'll finally be happy.I'll finally get my life straight sort of.

I really don't think I'll get there, but a girl can dream.
Dreams are all I have left.
Dreams and my friends.
Kay, dreams, friends, music and video games.
.
.
.

-_-

I need an uplifting message, anyone!
I need out of this house.
I need a better life.
Now.
So long, and thanks for the fish. <3
By the way; Suffering from what my doctor calls depression, stress and general badness. He's my favourite for the day. [Getting anti-depressants soon] woooo.

ATTN: sorry?

So, I have been completely neglecting my computer for the past week and a half. Don't take it personally, I've been off reading, working and staying with other family.

In other news, I have an appointment on Monday with a career councillor at the local university and I'm super nervous about it because that'll mean taking that huge step forward to actually doing something with my life other than renting videos out to people and having them dump their shit on me for minimum wage. =]

I went and stayed with my aunt for a couple days and it was really nice. Just getting away from this house and my parents and stuff. All four of her kids made a point to come over while I was there just to see me. I saw my cousin Steve's wife on her birthday and I saw my cousin Jenny's boyfriend a few times, and she even ditched him to just sit and watch a movie with me. My aunt and Jenny both took me driving, I got to help make super healthy dinners and I didn't even play my DS the whole 3 days I was there. I was so proud of myself. Plus, Jenny gave me a pair of sunglasses that I can't even wear now [explaination below].

I got new organizer things for my desk area finally in preperation for university and it's really nice. There's a thing for my pens and pencils, there's something for my markers, scissors and stuff, a thing for memo's and lastly a holder for all of my papers. It's all a really nice shade of pink [it goes great with the bright blue of my walls], which surprised me completely.

Second to last on my update list. Right before I went away, I got a new cell phone. [HURRAH!]. It's a texting phone, so it's one that slides and has a full keyboard built in. It's fancy. I love it so much but my dad keeps wanting to mess with it and stuff and now he's done something to it and part of it is locked off from access to me. I'm infuriated about it for obvious reasons.

Lastly, I have a nice shiny new bruise on my right eye. It's gone green in spots and looks super creepy. Because of it going a little onto my nose I can't wear my glasses for driving OR for reading OOORRR sunglasses [like the ones Jenny gave me]. The person who gave it to me's a complete tosser and it was completely uncalled for. Yet, here we are.

Oh oh oh. Almost forgot. Fully going to see Harry potter and the Half Blood prince tomorrow..for the third time! Hells yeah I'm excited! I'm going with my friend Claire and her mum. It's gonna be wicked cool.

Okay, I'm PRETTY sure that's all. If I get bored later with nothing to blog about, I'll probably edit this.
Thanks for reading, and again, sorry for the slow update. Don't be afraid to follow my blog if you want, I don't bite..Wait, yes I do, but not hard. Oh, yes I do..Hm. Well follow it and I MIGHT not bite you too hard. ;)
xxxxx


SIDE NOTE:
new video on youtube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4txBcI0ctZQ love it for me? <3

ATTN: Possible University and Ramble

"You are the one, the one who lies close to me...There's no place else I'd rather be but here in your arms." [Here in Your Arms, Hellogoodbye]I'm listening to that song for the first time in ages and it made me remember how much I love it.

Anyways, random note.

I wanted to ramble.

I have red hair [-ish]

I have ink all over my hands from a broken pen [nothing more sad]

I also have an apointment with a career councillor at UFV and I'm scared stiff at the thought. =]You see, going for the apointment means taking a big step towards going to university...a year later than everyone from my grad class.
I've been the new kid once..when I was 5...and going to kindergarten, just like everyone else.I don't do well in a new social situation, especially when I don't know anyone.
I have no clue what I want to take.
I'm not overly good at anything, I just really like music and theatre stuff.
There's apparently a "General Studies" course I can take that would cover a bunch of different topics and I get to pick from one of the things that appeal to me.

"And does he notice my feelings for him. And will he see how much he means to me. I think it's not to be." [Sally's song, Nightmare Before Christmas..it just came on.]

I feel so overwhelmed and overly confused by all of it.
Paul shouldn't have left, even if he was feeling ill. When he was here I didn't feel as freaked. He walked out the door and his spot made room for my worry, and the open door invited the thoughts in.

I want to go back to high school; I feel like I belong there still. Kind of like I'm on an extended summer holiday from last year. I'll be going back to be taught by Mr. Duliba and Mrs. Mangat any day now.

Is that normal?

Anyways, I think I might just go and read, that sometimes helps.

G'night to anyone out there. <3

ATTN: Terrified.

Okay, so 3 days until my wisdom teeth come out. I'm only freaking out a little...That's a lie. I'm SO scared. Maybe my teeth like staying in my face..Did you ever think of that, Dentist? I have to take valium because I hyperventalate at the sight of needles, and I refuse to be put under because the thought of that petrifies me as well. My friends keep giving me horror stories and I really don't want to know. I mean, I know no one can look at me and say that it won't hurt and so on, but honestly, you telling me that it's going to hurt as much as if I'm giving birth isn't making this any easier.

.

.

.

I've been doing laundry all day, yet again, because I don't want my clothes smelling like a weekend of partying. I feel like a bum, I'm walking around in my 'crappy clothes' because everything I normally is in the drier.

Listening to Marianas Trench and playing my DS while I'm waiting for the washing machine to finish. I'm wicked awesome.

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So, it's official, my foot is infected. I took my shoe off after my shift last night and my sock had blood on it, even though I had a band aid on the wound. The cut won't heal properly, so it's covered in bandages and gause today. I've been soaking it, cleaning it. So on, so forth.

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Next week is going to be Hell, just because my mouth will hurt, my foot will most likely still hurt and because my jaw will be sore, I probably won't be able to sing, just when I start getting better. Maybe my friends will come visit me in my darkest days. =]

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Well this was fun, expect lots while I'm just sitting here crying. This, and facebook quiz completion notifications.

If anyone has tips for a quick recovery and time wasting ideas, let me know. =^_^=

ATTN: happy birthday, whatsherface

My birthday was June 29th and I spent the 26th until then with my friends. It was a weekend to get away, party and let go.

That happened; I got so drunk I blacked out twice [Also, I can't remember a thing from 2 days], I was drunk for 4 days straight, I got to see my friend Kelsey, I went to the big city and on the skytrain, both for the first time, went to a mall with 4 floors, and I saw Transformers 2. Hurray, basically. I paid for everything myself. Okay, that's good. I can support myself. My friends texted me "Happy Birthday" on the 29th. Awe <3.

I have gotten one card, with my only gift of $20 from my grandma. I KNOW! I sound like a TOTAL bitch, but honestly, isn't 19 a bit of a deal? No one sang happy birthday except my parents. I mean, I'm not normally the one to ask for anything at all, but really? $20 and a card.

God, I feel like a terrible person, and know what? Maybe I am. I'm selfish and self absorbed, and as I already told anyone who reads these, I'm vain.

Ouch.

Anyways, I've been attacked by bug bites and I have no anti-itch cream so I'm dying. I have a gash out of my foot in two places, and a cut across my toe and I have no clue how I got them as I was drunk beyond belief at the time. I got a sun burn on my face\\Top of my head.

This blog's all about me complaining that I have a job so I can afford to hate myself, and how my friends are jerks for texting me happy birthday...Wow.

I think I just ended this without trying.

Love\\Hate you all <3

ATTN: Freaking out

So; departing in one day and some hours and im NOOOTTTT ready! I'm freaking out now and I'm running in circles. I wish i could just stay here, listen to music and FIND everyhting I'll need, do all the laundry I have to and relax, but, not that i mind, i work tonight <3 which could help..you know, get me to relax about it, but tomorrow and friday morning are going to be gong shows.
As if it's not enough, i keep thinking about other stuff and i have no reason to. Stupid past coming and biting me in the butt.dsklvnslkgnsfdlgm df
Kay.I had to freak out; now i go get ready for work, hopefully find some stuff to make tomorrow smoother.
BTWHurray for spending most of today with Claire <3
The Proposal was ADORABLE =D mmmm Ryan Reynolds topless ...and bottomless ;) hahaha! jokes, jokes...ish o.
0KAY
Going.

ATTN: Tragedy?

This isn't happening; I CAN NOT be getting sick 2 days before my camping trip and birthday party weekend! I can not be ill the day I turn 19. Granted, I won't notice, considering I'll be drunk for 5 days straight, but when I'm sober I'll have a cold AND a hangover to deal with? Oh joy.
Second thing on my mind right now. WRITERS BLOCK...semi cleared off. I wrote a verse and half a chorus for MY song, two lines for my friends song that he wanted me to help him with and no headway on my story one bit.
Third; my mp3 players being a fucktard. *insert angry face here* That's all I have to say about that, actually.
Fourth; going to go watch Party Monster, drink loads of tea and sleep [hopefully] and try to feel 100% in two days. WAIT. one and a half. -_-
Wish me luck <3